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Bossy Jazz?
Recently, my two daughters convinced me to join them in a book club. I’m not sure you can really call it that because they have limited the group to themselves and me. Basically, it’s a Mom & Daughters thing. We’re supposed to each choose a book for the month and then we go out to lunch or for coffee to talk about it at the end of the month. Here’s the rundown so far:
First month – Bossy Pants by Tina Fey, selected by my oldest daughter based on some of her friends who said we should read it.
Second month – Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, selected by me because there’s a very limited movie release of it coming out in April, and I’d heard good things about the book and its message.
Now, if you’re familiar with either of these, you will immediately see the blatant contrast in these books. Fey’s book is about her discovery of self, as is Miller’s book, but Fey focuses on her role in comedy and television and what it means to be an assertive woman in these fields. Miller focuses on his discovery of self as defined by God. Now do you see the contrast?
Bossy Pants was very funny. I have no problem telling you that I laughed out loud in parts of the book. But I must warn you if you have not read it, it is not for those who are easily offended. By her own proclamation, she warns readers that most likely she will offend everyone at some point in the book. Blue Like Jazz has moments that confuse the reader because you know it’s a Christian journey, but many tenets of Christian belief are challenged along the way. I was quite convicted as I read it.
What I found to be fascinating though, is the things that the two very different authors had in common. In fact, they had more points in common than they differed on. I don’t want these to be spoilers for you, so I’ve pared them down to the briefest common denominators, but here are some of those similar themes from my perspective:
- Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement, but it makes a difference in how we relate to one another.
- Some things just cannot be understood from the outside looking in. They have to be “known” from the inside.
- Appearances are not all they’re cracked up to be, and often, they have nothing to do with reality.
- Humor helps, and so does admitting our own imperfections.
- We need each other.
The biggest difference in the two books comes from perspective. Fey finds her own perspective, and Miller finds God’s. I prefer Miller’s, but I found it highly coincidental (God-incidental?) that I would end up reading two books, back to back, with such similar points on the way to a conclusion. But that really is the crux of it isn’t it? The conclusion.
Both books hung heavily on the premise that we learn more about ourselves and others by being open to different people, forgiving ourselves and loving others before we judge them. Fey called it a rule of comedy – never say “no” in an improve scene – always yes. Miller compares his premise to jazz music, freedom music. The difference was the reason we would live this way.
I invite you to find your reason, and I invite you to consider what it would be like to live as if others treated you in these “thematic” ways.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” (John 15:12)
The Prayer of Sir Francis Drake
This blessed me today, and so I thought I would share it here. This was a closing prayer we said in church, and it seemed so fitting, so appropriate for today. It’s worth mentioning that this prayer, attributed to Sir Francis Drake, the English sea captain (known as a pirate to the Spanish), is from 1577 A.D. Drake was the second person to circumnavigate the world…by the grace of God, and with His help.
Disturb us, Lord, when We are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.
Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.
Amen, and amen…
My how times have changed – or maybe not so much…
Just a Little Bite
Women may get this one more than men, but you know that cookie or dessert that lurks from your kitchen? The one that you say, “I’ll just have a little bite…” and before you know it, you’ve had 15 little bites and the dessert is gone? That one.
That “little bite” could be an analogy for so many things in our lives. It could be the one or two Sundays that you skip church to sleep in and before you know it, you haven’t been in two months. Or, it could be the two or three nights you work late just to catch up, and a few weeks go by before you realize you’ve missed dinner at home more times than you’ve eaten dinner at home. Maybe it’s missed exercise, skipped meetings, too much of things that aren’t healthy for you…Whatever it is for you, there’s probably something in your life that has fallen victim to the “little bite” syndrome.
I have my areas, a few of them, actually. There’s always an excuse for that first little bite, isn’t there? Is it just that I lack self-discipline, or is it that I’m not motivated enough? Whatever it is, once I make that decision the first time, it’s easier and easier to make that decision again and again until whatever it is that I’m taking little bites of has taken me so far away from my starting point, that I don’t have the energy or motivation to get back to it.
But what are those areas? What little bites are eating away at me and the person I’m capable of being, the one I want to be? If I think about the result of too many samples of dessert, I’ll find extra weight. Using the same principle and looking at my life, what seems out-of-order? Where are there extra burdens that I’m carrying? If I’m feeling unloved, could it be that I’ve been taking too many bites of criticism? If I’m feeling “unspiritual” could it be a result of too many bites of worldliness? Lonely? Perhaps I’ve skipped too many opportunities to comfort others?
I don’t want to be a victim of the “little bite syndrome” any longer, but with all of the clarity that I see this analogy right now, I’m just as likely to forget it tomorrow. Paul’s voice echoes in my imagination, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.” (Rom. 7:15)
We all do it. It’s not just me. We all fall short of our own expectations. Sometimes we pick ourselves up and try again, and sometimes we carry the extra weight. I want to skip this kind of dessert. Oh, Lord, help me – help us, Lord. Make us to be the people you want us to be – in spite of ourselves!
What do you do to avoid the “little bite syndrome?”
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:5-6)
iPhone Insights
Some things just make me happy. It can be a good day, a bad day, an average day, whatever, and if I see or do one of those “favorites,” the day always gets better. You know the feeling? As of this week, I have a new favorite photo to add to my “happy things” list.
I think everyone should have happy things. They don’t have to be extravagant or elaborate. In fact, the more simple they are, the better. But what a pleasant surprise it is to stumble upon those happy things – when you least expect them. In doing the “mundane,” sometimes God creates a moment…When I was sorting through my iPhone photos, looking for one in particular, I found this one. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my daughter had been playing with my phone one night after dinner, and she caught this moment.
In the case of my newest photo, it makes me happy because it speaks volumes to me without “saying” anything. It’s like a snapshot into my life but in a little random iPhone photo. Lots of life’s most telling moments, those profound moments, happen by accident like that. The trick is to keep your heart open to them.
Not to be trite, but “Maria” in Sound of Music was on to something. Our favorite things can also be our happy things…I hope you have a few of your own…
“…if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8
Titles for My Next Book
I was writing a new blog yesterday, and when I went to save my file, I was reminded of the other blogs that I’ve written and not posted. Yes, I’ve written quite a few blogs that were more about the writing process, the putting to paper of my thoughts, than the process of sharing those thoughts. Sometimes they’re just not meant to be shared.
That led me to think about the book title that I would write next, and I have to admit, I got a little silly. The titles that ran through my mind ranged from the sarcastic to the serious, the funny to the not-so-funny. One thing I know to be true though, if you write a book, you’ll likely be challenged in the ”life area” of your topic. For instance, write a book about saving money, and you’ll probably have to spend money shortly after. Write a book about auto safety, and you’ll probably have to replace your car tires. You get the idea…
So, in random order, here are some of my working titles for books that I’d like to write (or have already started) and a little bit about them, for the ones that I can share with you, of course. Depending on the challenges I’m up to, though (or not), I may never finish any of them!
1. Manna, Mission, and Ministry – Why 3M Is a Tape Company Bearing No Resemblance to Real Life – This one is about the call to doing ministry – any ministry. Go ahead and take the vow of poverty if this happens to you. Nothing will “stick” to you, especially money (manna), and you’ll probably question your mission repeatedly – rightly so.
2. Yes, Honey, I’d Totally Love to Drop Everything I Was Already Doing and Pay Attention To Your Needs Right Now – Okay, so I cleaned that one up a bit, but can you tell it’s about marriage? This is one of the secrets to my successful 26+ years of marriage.
3. Thank You, My Kids ARE Normal – This is about homeschooling, its effects, and the standard response, “Thank you, yes, they are pretty normal. Does that surprise you?”
4. Notes to Self – Short notes about ways I can creatively mess things up again and again, and reminders of ways to avoid those mistakes…Note to self…I probably won’t remember to avoid them.
5. I’ll Raise You One – For Pastor’s Wives and People Who Know Them – This one is focused on the emotional state of pastor’s wives. No matter what the needs are for them, someone else will always have a more pressing need or bigger crisis, and that presents some challenges. It’s a statistical thing – there are more of them than there are of us. (Very limited readership.)
6. This Is the Day – Finding joy in the day, every day, no matter what…I’m so relieved that I don’t feel compelled to call it “This is the Week” – sometimes even a si
ngle day is really pushing it!
7. I’ll Never Say Never – Try telling God “never.” G’on, I want to see what happens next….We all need the laugh…
8. When All Else Fails, Take Up Skydiving – This one is focused on that jump. Getting out of the plane is sometimes the very best thing to do. Ignore reason. Yield to risk. Change your altitude….Don’t forget the chute, though.
……Now, can you guess which 4 of those I’ve already started?
“Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don’t look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.” (Psalm 51:8-10, The Message)
Marriage Numbers
26 years ago today, I married my husband. When you try to summarize that many years, sometimes you have to focus on the facts alone to give the years some perspective and depth. So, here are the facts of my 26 years of shared life with Frankie Rodriquez, as best as I can account for them.
- 37 surviving coffee mugs, memorializing something
- 23 photo albums, before we went digital
- 20+ different dogs, cats, snakes, hamsters, birds, and fish
- 19 different jobs, some of them simultaneously
- 14 different cars in shades of red, beige, blue, gray, green, black, white, and silver
- 11 homes in 8 cities
- 7 pregnancies, 2 miscarriages, and 1 child’s funeral to precede our own – resulting in 4 children together and 1 other in whose life I am privileged to be included
- 5 washer/dryer sets
- 4 parents who rejected our marriage in the beginning and said it would never last
- 4 parents who came to love one of us after all
- 3 hammers, 2 ladders, and 1 toolkit
- 2 vacations we’ve taken alone (other than a few weekend getaways)
- 2 sets of silverware
- 2 coffee tables
- 1 decision – to love one another, no matter what, and even if everyone else abandoned us
- 1 God who saw us through it all, even when we didn’t see Him.
Perspective is a funny thing, and facts don’t tell the whole story. Clearly, there’s a lot missing from the years if we only look at the facts, but some things are certain. If you think you’ve “made it,” you’re wrong, and if you think you can ever coast through a marriage, you’re wrong. Once married, change begins. In between the facts, there’s a lot of work and effort, a lot of change and adapting, some tears, some silly moments, laughter and pain, quite a few difficult experiences, and plenty of opportunities to choose zero – the number of new chances you’ll give.
The place where you start and the place where you end will most assuredly be different. Choose “your 1’s” well. The 1 you will focus on, the 1 thing that unites you in marriage, and the 1 thing you know to be true.
…Frankie, I love you more now than when we married, and like that sunny afternoon before the wedding, when we sat down with two letters from families who could not love us at that point, I am decided to love you for the rest of my life. Unlike that day though, I understand the implications of that decision, and I joyfully give thanks to God for the honor of making that decision again. By the grace of God, and through the One that He is, you are my 1.
When I Grow Up…
When I grow up, I want a paint for my walls that holds up to swinging tails and shoe scuffs that happen when the dog is being chased around the room, barking incessantly, running into me, knocking me down, stepping on my toe, and trying to hide under the bathroom sink. I want paint that really endures – and in a color that I never get tired of.
When I grow up, I want a real dishwasher. I want one that doesn’t leave water spots and permanent stains on the brand new silverware I treated myself to not too long ago, but only after 30 years with the first set. No one can say I have no loyalties!
When I grow up, I want to be able to eat anything I want anytime. If I want three chocolate cookies for lunch (while I stare at the pantry trying to decide what I really want) and chocolate cake as an afternoon snack, along with my crackers and Swiss cheese before dinner, so what of it?
When I grow up, I want a car that doesn’t need gas with an air conditioner that never runs hot. Oh, and it needs to be able to be relied on to take me everywhere I want to go without anyone getting in my way – ever!
When I grow up, I want everyone to be nice to each other and look for ways to get along. I don’t want to deal with other people’s envy or anger or insecurities. That drives me crazy! Especially when they hold that mirror up to me.
When I grow up, I want to be able to travel at any time. I’d love to see Japan and Spain and Greece. I’d love to go back to Israel and stay longer. I’ve always wanted to fly around the world on an open-ended ticket. Run to the airport when the mood hits me. No one, and I mean no one, “runs” at the airport any more – not without large men with guns running behind them.
When I grow up, I’d like it to be a giant slumber party all the time. I want to have my friends over, play games, stay up late and watch silly movies, sing made-up songs on my guitar, tell stories that make everyone laugh until they cry, and never have to go to bed. I was tempted to try that recently, but no one thought I had enough coffee.
In the meantime, though, I’m grateful for the fact that I have a husband who entertains me, and pets for him to be a little boy with, hands to wash my dishes, and children to get them dirty again, food in my pantry, refrigerator, and the deep freeze outside, a way to get around and people to go see, places that inspire me, and laughter to fill my memories even if they hit me at silly times when no one else understands why I’m smirking…
“I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” Philippians 4:11-13 (The Message)
Mr. What’s-His-Name
I was thinking today about my high school Chemistry teacher. I can’t for the life of me remember his name, but he was a nice guy, loved his Chemistry, and made it fun for the rest of us. (Bill something…? If there’s anyone out there who was a Ranger from Smithson Valley circa 1980, feel free to chime in with his name!) If you have to deal with Chemistry, I’d recommend him, if I could remember his name, of course. Anyway, he said something one day that I’ve never forgotten. It was one of those quick passing remarks that has no real reason to stick, but it did.
He came in one day wearing a suit, which was not the norm for him. When someone asked him why, he replied, “I’m not feeling well, so I thought I’d dress up.” That didn’t make sense to any of us, but he went on to explain that if he dressed up, maybe looking his best would help him to feel his best in spite of a cold or whatever it was that he had.
I’ve never forgotten the attitude behind that thought, and I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve modeled that philosophy. It works. But the same thing works for other ways of feeling, too. It’s the proverbial “half empty vs. half full” conversation. If you’re sad, focus on the happier things, and you’ll feel better. If you’re angry, find a friend who makes you laugh, if yo
u’re feeling lazy, get up and exercise…it’s not about pretending something is true or lying to yourself; it’s a matter of focus.
We had a guest preacher today at church, and I was blown away by how her remarks were the perfect response to a conversation I had with a few other people about an hour before she arrived. It was like she had been a fly on the wall, but there’s no way she could have been, nor could she have had any idea that we’d been talking about that issue. Only God can do that! But part of what she preached about was on the church being the church, and what that means. So applying my Chemistry teacher’s logic here, if we’re not happy with the church, or feel it hasn’t met our needs, then we need to be the church, or be the ones who fill the needs, rather than putting our focus on what we don’t have or don’t like about church, or anything else for that matter. There was a lot more to what she said, but it was a perfect word for today, and it reminded me of Mr. Something-or-other. Other than his life-changing remarks over 30 years ago, I don’t remember much about anything else he taught me, but in my mind, I can still see him standing behind the lab table in that dark suit.
“…the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness…” (Isaiah 61:3)
(You can hear the sermon preached by Ms. Ali Llewellyn at www.lscsugarland.org; click on “Podcasts.”)
Travel Tip 8 – The Trick to Turbulence
The trick to turbulence is not to look down at the bleak clouds, or to even think about the impending bumps and odd noises you’ll hear as you move through those clouds. And, you definitely don’t want to notice the lightning below you, not while you’re in the plane. And you probably also shouldn’t focus your attentions on the fact that your stomach is growling while the other passengers stare at you, because all you had to eat for breakfast was a hard-boiled egg, and that was 8 hours ago. You would have done something about that at the airport had there been more than ONE security check station at Bush Intercontinental Airport to handle all of Terminal C. Who knew that an hour and ten minutes would never be enough time to get through security, leaving you running down the concourse in heels to hear, “We’ve already had last call for this flight, m ‘am – hurry!”
No, when you find yourself in a 15-minute “holding pattern,” the trick is to look up and out. The trick is to look at the incredible lights that shine on the clouds above the storm. The trick is to pretend you’re on a roller coaster as the plane banks right and then slowly banks left – repeatedly – right and left, right and left. Yup. That’s the ticket. Look up. I think they say the same thing about reading in the car…
If you can tell that I’m traveling again, then bonus points to you. The good news is that I did make the first flight, and the holding pattern only took 15 minutes out of my 45 minutes to change planes, so I was in good shape to sprint from Terminal C to Terminal D when I got to Cleveland. Did you know that if you run on those passenger conveyor belts, just to make up some time, you can shave off enough time to squeeze in a beverage purchase at the only coffee stand near your next gate? You can! And, you might get lucky enough to be given the only large coffee cup that leaks slowly from the bottom like an ice cream cone, too! What a treat! If you just keep looking up, you’ll never see those coffee stains on your shoes…
“Now when these things begin to take place, straighten up and raise your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.” (Luke 21:28)
The Light of Conviction
“There is nothing you need that I cannot provide.” That’s a quote from a devotional entry that I’m reading right now, and it’s what God says throughout scripture. Most Christians know this. If we believe God to be God, then we have to believe that He can provide anything we need, at any point. As always, though, the issue becomes a question of need.
Do we really need it? Why do we need it? What difference will it make if our needs are met? If it’s a question of life or death, and some needs are, who is to say that we need to live. Maybe in death there is more to be gained…for ourselves or others. Our flesh may argue with this statement, but Christians know that there is much to be gained from eternal life and that it won’t even compare to the one we live now…So, no matter how far we take the issue of “need,” we always reach a point where we superimpose our sense of what is best, and what we want, over what might be needed.
We want to live, we want to be healthy, we want to have thriving families and productive careers. We want to travel and see the big world that God created. We want to have friends to laugh with and moments of joy that sear into our memories. None of those things are wrong to want.
But if we acknowledge that God is truly God, and He can do anything He wants at any point, then we have to also acknowledge this, and I’m twisting the quote from my devotional. There is nothing that we lack that we truly need at this moment. If we needed it, really needed it, our God would provide it. If we don’t have it, then we don’t need it right now.
Ouch. When I read that simple sentence in my devotional, my mind raced through a string of thoughts that mostly, I’m writing down for myself. If this challenges you, too, then know that I’m not picking on you. This convicted me today, and for my own growth, I needed to record it. There is nothing that I want, or even think I need, that I actually need. I’d have it if I needed it, because God says so.
My prayer for myself and for you if it helps, is that God would grant me the wisdom and clarity to stop confusing my wants with my needs.
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
(For the record, the devotional is titled, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, in case you want to join in on the “conviction train” with me! Thanks, Sis for sharing this book!)
